i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All the doctor said was why
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
