He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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