Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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