Who did Billy Mays play for?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
