Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She said her name was "party"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
