I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
