and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
