The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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