i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
