I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
