you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
