I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
