is your mom at the bar?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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