Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
