one word: firstdatebathroomanal
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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