My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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