somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
