The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
