Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We have started to decorate penises.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
