i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
