What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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