there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
