So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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