so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
