I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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