I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
