Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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