I'm jealous of your bromance
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
