That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
