I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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