It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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