She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
