looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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