Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
