i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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