i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
