I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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