There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
