Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
