im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
