ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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