you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
