So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't think brook has ever known best
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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