My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm both gender and math confused
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
