hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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