I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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