proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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