I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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