just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Everything about him screamed your future.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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