I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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