just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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