If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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