I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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