I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
