I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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