yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize