i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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