I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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