I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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