mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
