oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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