We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
