You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
